The Power of Praise

There is an endless amount of advice out there when it comes to disciplining your child, but the most important part of discipline is often overlooked: praise. Every parent is quick to punish when their child does wrong, but it’s equally if not more important to recognize when they do something right. Experts agree that praise is necessary for good emotional health, and kids who feel loved and appreciated are less likely to turn to drugs or other risky behaviors in the future. The most effective praise goes beyond a little positive comment like “Good job!” For your child to feel that he’s succeeded, you should give a substantial reason for the praise he’s received. Make sure your child understands what he’s done to deserve such good feedback. When you notice that your child hung up her coat after she walked in the door, let her know. A hug or another physical cue is positive reinforcement for good behavior.

It is essential that you give a reason as to why their behavior is helpful or positive. When your child tells you all about her weekend at a friend’s house, explain that you enjoyed hearing her stories and that knowing what she’s doing helps you trust her more. If your child loads the dishwasher, let him know how helpful it is, since you’re so busy with other things. When you see your child complete her homework and chores as soon as she gets home from school, point out that she has so much more time for fun things.

Rewards are a great way to praise good behavior, too. If your child is consistent about coming home on time, let her stay out an extra hour to show that she’s earned your trust. Simple privileges like this go a long way toward reinforcing good habits.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding praise, however. Some experts say that too much or the wrong kind of praise can hurt rather than help a child. For example, it’s been proven that telling a child she is “smart” can discourage her from trying things she’s not naturally good at, so she won’t look “stupid.” On the other hand, kids who are praised for their hard work are more likely to take on difficult challenges. That’s why it’s always important to praise a child for her efforts rather than her ability. Every child is born with unique talents, but it is hard work and action, not natural ability, that pays off in the long run.

Listening Helps Learning

When your child comes to you with a problem that has been frustrating him, it is very tempting to offer him lots of advice, but new studies show that just listening to your child helps him work through his problems on his own. In fact, it might be best not to interrupt him with tips and suggestions as he’s voicing his concerns. That is because giving your child a chance to talk the problem out helps him figure out the solution for himself. It’s much more helpful for your child’s problem solving skills when your child finds the answer on his own than when you tell him the solution.

You can apply this research by encouraging your child to explain things to you. Ask for details about what he is learning in school. Have him explain how he found the answer to a problem in his math homework. Studies prove that a child who verbally explains how they solved a problem will have an easier time solving similar problems in the future. It is never too early to begin, either. Researchers tested four year olds in this study and found that they enjoyed the learning benefits just as much as the older kids did.

If your child is preparing for a big test, this is a great method to help him learn. During study breaks, ask him to explain to you what he was just reading. If he is struggling in math, have him teach you new concepts he learns in school. Try not to interrupt him with questions, but do encourage him to give a full explanation. (Who knows, you might learn something too!)

It can be difficult to refrain from guiding him to the solution when your child is frustrated with his homework. If he is feeling burnt out, suggest that he take a break before coming back to the problem. Then, rather than giving him the first step, ask him what he thinks he should do first. Encourage him to verbalize his thoughts. He will be so much happier with himself (and he’ll learn more, too) when he comes to the answer on his own. If he is totally lost, you might try to give subtle hints, but do not be tempted to explain the entire solution. This also takes the pressure off parents who feel they are expected to have all the answers. Kids have the tools to find the answers; sometimes they just need a little encouragement.

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